Jagger's Story
by Yami's Chan
Summary: For the first time in my life I am voluntarily going to my father’s room.' It's not always a good idea to face your demons. Sometimes they can come back to haunt you. 'Is he really back? Am I just crazy...'
1. Chapter 1

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I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh GX or it's characters.

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After finishing I Wonder I decided I needed something else to work on and this just came to me. There are plenty of stories about Chazz, but what about Jagger? Someone should tell his story too.

Summary: It's not always a good idea to face your demons, sometimes they can come back to haunt you.

Warnings: Abuse, child abuse, mentioned rape (of a minor), mentioned incest.

This story is in Jagger Princeton's point of view.

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**Chapter One**

For the first time in my life I am voluntarily going to my father's room. I'm not going because I'm being forced, or because I need to protect Slade and Chazz. I'm not even sure why I am going actually. Because I need to prove that I can I suppose. I need to prove to myself that he really is gone. I'm going in because something is tormenting me and it's gonna rip me apart from the inside out if I let it. I'm going because the nightmares have started again. I hadn't had them in years but now I have them every time I fall asleep. But they're not my imagination, they actually happened to me.

I stand outside the door that hasn't been opened since the day our father left. My god, I'm shaking so badly and I didn't notice it until now. My mouth is dry and I lick my lips nervously. I just stand there, staring at the door. More than once I reach out to touch it but draw my hand back. Now I know why I waited until Chazz and Slade are out of the house; the last thing I need is them thinking I've gone mad. But, maybe I have? With a deep shuddering breath, I close my eyes and let the dream replay.

_I'm a little kid again, lying in bed wide awake and terrified. It's one of the earliest memories I have of this happening, but I know it wasn't the first time. I know that, because I'm already waiting for it, dreading it. I can hear footsteps outside on the landing getting closer and closer I want to run, but it's as though I'm frozen in place. The footsteps stop suddenly, right outside the room. A shadow covers the crack of light at the bottom of the door. The handle turns..._

I open my eyes, back in the present. I want to run now almost as badly as I did back then. _It's just a door, you idiot. Open it....open it. _Before I can talk myself out of it, I reach forwards and grab the door handle. In the same movement I twist the handle and open the door wide.

Nothing happens. I stand there for a long, long, silent moment. I think I feel something, like a breath on the back of my neck. I turn...but there's no one there. Of course there isn't. What was I expecting? My father to be waiting in his bedroom? My heart is racing, but I laugh at myself to try and make it a joke. I walk forwards, over the threshold.

It's like I've taken a step back in time. Nothing's changed since I was last here. Same carpet, same curtains...same feeling of hopelessness washes over me. I can't bring myself to close the door completely, but I do push it to. Slowly, I turn, taking in everything. It's almost as though my father never left. The smell of his aftershave wafts towards me, even though I know that's impossible.

The shelves have a thick coating of dust but one of them still wobbles when I touch it. It's loose from when he flung me against the wall and I hit my head. The bed makes me feel ill. I bet if I pulled back the top sheet, my bloodstains would still be on the mattress. One of the cupboard doors is open enough to get my fingers into the gap.

I don't want to, but I do anyway.

There's one of my father's coats still hanging inside. It's the only item there, on a single hanger, but it makes everything suddenly terrible and real. My throat constricts. It's like my eyes are burning. A hand brushes my shoulder, I'm _sure_ I feel it this time. I turn. I scream. And for the first time since I was a very, very little kid, I actually fainted.

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End Chapter

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I must thank the lovely Claire for being my beta on this story


	2. Chapter 2

so here we go again with chapter two. hadn't planned on leaving it so long before updating, as i already had this chapter written. But I hope you still like and it please leave a reveiw!

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**Chapter 2 **

Someone was calling my name. At first I thought it was inside my head, but as I started to come round, I realised they were actually in the house, but downstairs somewhere. I groggily opened my eyes and sat up. I half expected there to be resistance, to find that my wrists were tied. Or worse still, to find that someone was sitting beside me, holding me down. Nothing stopped me. I was alone in my father's room.

I rubbed my forehead slowly, trying to remember what had happened after I found my father's coat. I'd fainted, that much I knew. Before that? ...someone had touched my shoulder. Someone had definitely touched my shoulder. And then I had fainted. Just like that? Try as I might I couldn't recall anything else. I'd fallen onto the bed, which I was grateful of, as I didn't much fancy the bruises from landing on the floor.

Wait...was that right? I didn't think I was even that close to the bed. Which door had I opened and found the coat in? My head swam.

"Jagger?" someone was calling me again. I got to my feet and stumbled to the door. I looked back over my shoulder and saw the coat lying on the floor. I started to feel very faint again and had to bolt out of the room. I shut the door and hurried down the corridor, just as someone reached the top of the stairs. For one heart-stopping moment I thought I was looking straight at my father. I had to stop myself yelling. But it was just Slade, back from work.

"There you are." He said. I glanced over his shoulder and saw Chazz standing a few steps lower. "We were looking everywhere for you!" I looked closer at Slade. He really _did_ look relieved.

"I was-" I glanced to one side back towards the room I had just left, but was spared having to think up an excuse as Slade cut in.

"Never mind." He sounded impatient. He's been sounding like that a lot with me lately, almost as if I'm Chazz. I suppose I have been acting rather distracted lately. With good reason, but not one that I can tell him about. "Dinner's ready." He said, before turning and walking downstairs. He brushed past Chazz who was still looking up at me.

"Are you ok?" he asked, looking so concerned that I nearly told him everything right then. But he was just a kid when our father still lived here, only about 10 when he finally left us, so he can't remember everything that happened. He spent the first part of his childhood living in fear and I don't want to scare him again.

I just shrugged and shoved him lightly after Slade in the direction of the dinning room.

It was going to be the last time we ate dinner together for two weeks. The next day Slade was going away on business and Chazz was going to stay at a friend's house. I was going to drive them both (Slade to the airport, Chazz to his friend's) and then I was going to be alone in the house.

As we ate I kept glancing up at Slade. He really did look exactly like our father did. He couldn't help it of course, and he hadn't inherited his sick personality, but it unnerved me ever so slightly if I let my mind dwell on it for too long.

For some reason I also couldn't keep my eyes straying to the seat that my father had always occupied. It was empty, of course, but I kept thinking that at any moment he'd walk in and sit down. Chazz and Slade tried to include me in their conversations but eventually gave up as I remained silent and distant. After dinner Chazz asked me to watch TV with him but I said I had work to finish and went upstairs to my study.

It wasn't a lie, I sat at my desk, with my laptop open in front of me, but I knew full well I wouldn't be able to work. I wished my room wasn't so close to my fathers. Both my office and my bedroom are on the 1st floor with his. So are Slade's but I don't think it bothers him the same way it does me. Chazz's room is above mine which is good. If anyone ever tried to get up the stairs to get to him, they'd have to get past my room first and I'd hear. There's only one person I can think of who would want to hurt him though, and he's long gone. So I keep telling myself. Still, he's all I can think of as I look at my computer screen.

I keep jumping, twitching, stirring at the slightest noise. I don't feel hands on me, like I did earlier (_think_ I did), but it's like someone's looking over my shoulder, or whispering to me. They're too quiet for me to hear but I can feel their breath near my ear. Almost sense, rather than see, their lips moving.

It's useless, I can't get any work done like this. I get up and try to walk to the door but I feel dizzy and stagger to one side, gripping the desk. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths to try and steady myself. This is a mistake because it means that I can't see the real room around me and my imagination takes over. It's not just my own breathing I can hear. Someone else really is behind me. Oh god they are...their arm reaches out to tighten round my waist.

There's a knocking sound and I open my eyes with a start to see the door opening. There's no one behind me. _You're loosing it big time here..._

Chazz looked round the door, worried.

"are you sure you're ok?" it's the second time he's asked me this today but again I lie and say I'm fine. "what have you been doing all this time?" he asks and ducks round my desk to look at my laptop.

"nothing much." I shrug. "You won't find it very interesting Chazz, it's boring." He wrinkles his face up slightly.

"Got that right. How can you be bothered to do it?"

"I like boring." I grin at him and he grins back.

"Wouldn't you rather be downstairs watching TV? There's a good film on." He doesn't need to try and persuade me; I already feel bad for saying no to him before.

"Sounds good to me." I shut down the computer while he sits on my chair swinging his legs slightly then take his hand and walk out of the room together. I haven't held Chazz's hand in years but I need the feeling of contact. If I don't have something to cling onto, I might just start to float away.

That night I didn't dream of our father. I dreamt of Chazz.

_It's another memory. We're on holiday, the first real holiday we've ever had, our father having left only a few months earlier. We're on a beach somewhere in Greece and I'm queuing at a stall selling juice. Chazz is beside me, ten years old, skinny and still so short he's only just up to my elbow at this stage. But then, I am quite tall._

_Chazz is only wearing his shorts, his body wet from playing in the sea and tanned from the sun. I'm holding a seashell he found to his ear so he can hear the waves inside. His eyes are lit up with happiness. _

_"That's so cool Jagger!" he says as I move the shell away. "how did you know it would do that?" he's acting like I've just unlocked the secrets to the universe. _

_"Magic." I grin. _

_"You have a very sweet brother." The stallholder tells me. _

_"Thank you." I say, looking up at him. He's watching Chazz._

_"Very sweet." He repeats. His eyes move over Chazz's windswept hair and young face. They move down to his tanned chest and stomach and stay there. They linger too long and I tighten my hand round the shell. _

_"So, what can I get you?" he asks, his eyes moving back to me, just in time. _


	3. Chapter 3

Hey people, here's Chapter Three! sorry it took a while, I was busy with exams. Hope you enjoy this!

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**Chapter 3**

Chazz was very quiet after we dropped Slade off. He was in the front seat while I drove. He fiddled with the radio and wound down the window. When we stopped at a red light he leant out of the window to feel the air on his face. I let him for a while but when the lights changed and we pulled away I caught hold of his arm and dragged him back. He grinned at me and then his face suddenly turned serious. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but thought better of it.

"Something wrong, Chazz?" I asked. After a few more seconds of silence he spoke, very quickly as though he was worried he'd loose his nerve again.

"Were you up in the night at all? But I thought I could hear someone walking about downstairs near your room." I had to try very hard to keep myself calm and concentrate on driving.

"I wasn't up at all last night. And neither was Slade, he was in bed before me." I could think of just one person who used to walk up and down outside my bedroom at night. Of course, that's impossible. My head was swimming. I had to change the subject, quickly. "Come on; let's stop to get something to eat."

Chazz seemed to brighten up while we ate. Well, as bright as Chazz gets. He told me about his friends who he was staying with and I said he should invite some of them back to our house sometime.

"I don't want to scare them off with the big, creepy mansion." He joked.

"The house isn't that big. And it's not really creepy; it just looks it from the outside because it's old." I wasn't so sure of that lately but I wasn't about to say that to Chazz. I nudged him lightly under the table with my foot.

"You and Slade don't want a load of people round anyway."

"I wouldn't mind. I just like to see you having fun." Chazz smiled at me and went quiet again but this time I could tell he was happy, not worried. He even let me buy him ice cream afterwards although we haven't had ice cream together since he was a kid.

By the time we got to his friend's house it was the middle of the afternoon. I carried Chazz's bag to the door for him. I'd barely knocked once when the door swung open and a boy with messy brown hair opened it and launched into a conversation with Chazz.

I had to hide my urge to laugh. Now I could see how Chazz managed to be so quiet all of the time, if he had friends like this to talk for him. I was starting to wonder when he'd run out of breath when a woman who looked about my age walked into the doorway behind him. She was tall, with the same tanned skin and brown hair as the boy, only her hair was to her shoulders. Without looking down at him she placed one hand on the boy's shoulder, and the other over his mouth, effectively shutting him up. Chazz sniggered.

"Hi." She said. "I'm Tamzin, Jaden's sister. I said him and his friends could stay at my place while our parents are away." She smiled at me while trying to keep hold of her brother. I wanted to say something but found I couldn't. Jaden managed to get free.

"Why did you have to do that?" he scowled up at her.

"Because I don't think they want to stand here all day. Why don't you take your friend to be with the others?" she gave Jaden a little push to get him moving. He did so, grabbing Chazz's sleeve and tugging him along too. Tamzin then turned to me again.

"I'm guessing that was Chazz?" I nodded but still couldn't speak. "You must be his brother then." She reached out to shake my hand and I managed to free my vocal cords at last.

"Yeah, Jagger." Well, two words is an improvement over nothing.

"Come in. You can have a drink at least before you have to go again." I might have made an excuse, but she was smiling at me again and I found it hard to say anything other than yes.

I spent longer than I thought I would with Tamzin. By the time I got back the house it was dark and already very late. But instead of going straight in, I sat in the car, drumming my fingers on the steering wheel. For some reason I really didn't want to go inside. When I was little I used to put off going into the house for as long as possible. When I got back from school I'd often hide in the gap under the front steps for ages, just to delay the moment when I would have to go inside. But there was a good reason then. Now I was just being stupid.

Eventually I got out of the car and started towards the front door. I was suddenly over come with the urge to dive into my old hiding place and stay there. _You're being stupid. _I told myself. _No one is waiting for you. _I knew this was true but when I opened the door, the strangest feeling washed over me. It was as though someone had been standing in the hallway just moments before and had walked into the next room just moments before. A shiver ran down my spine. I had to go into the kitchen just to check.

It was empty of course. I went into the dining room. Again it was empty. I ended up running through every single room in the house. All of them had that same feel; that someone had been there. Someone might _still _be there. I was acting crazy and I knew it.

I turned the radio on full volume while I was cooking dinner to try and make things feel more normal. It didn't work. While I was eating I jumped at the slightest noise, like the fridge suddenly starting to whirr. Or a clock chiming in the hall. I ran a sink full of water and did the washing up, trying to reason with my self.

"You're going out of your mind..." I whispered to myself. "There's no one here." After all, I'd already checked every room. _No. _Said a tiny voice in my head. _You didn't check every room. You missed one. _At that same moment, the kitchen door creaked open. I wasn't imaging it this time. My heart hammered in my chest then seemed to leap into my throat and stop beating completely. Time stood still. I might have screamed.

My father was standing in the doorway wearing the same jacked I'd found yesterday. I tried to run, but his hands caught my shoulders. I didn't struggle. I just stood there, shaking, his fingers digging into my skin.

"Hello Jagger." He whispered, right into my ear. One hand left my shoulder. I knew what was coming next. I was so scared I couldn't even close my eyes. He hit his arm against the side of my head so hard that I fell to the ground and blacked out.

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